I hated it in the beginning. I wanted to be either or, not both. In middle school I felt so alone. Like I half belonged with my friends because I was only half of them. I felt that many of the people my friends were friends with, would be my friends if I was just born pure-bred. I couldn't identify with anyone. Not fully. And I can't really relate much with other mutts either. Because it's a mix and you never know how much of one aspect is poured in over the other or what different parts were chosen and which were left out. One becomes one's own race. It's a lonely feeling: to never be fully connected with either heritage. I didn't have that crutch as some do. You know, when people ask you to describe your personality or ask what's your identity. I can't say Chinese or American. Sure I can say mutt, but what is a mutt? Chinese have a distinctive culture as do Americans. So what's the culture of a mutt?
But I must say, I'm glad I was born mixed. I'm proud to call myself a mutt. The years of a grueling search for my identity was worth it. I am an individual. I can choose aspects of the Chinese culture that I like and reject others that I don't and do the same with the American culture. I have my own culture and it is my own. I almost pity those who use their ethnicity to identify themselves for they never search for the characteristic beauty GOD has hidden in each of them. Racial identity is a crutch. It'll help you hobble on your way for a bit but if you depend on it too long, you'll forget how to use your own leg. I was given two broken legs without any crutches but now I can walk strongly and proudly.
I am a beautiful mutt.
